The emotional weather report this summer is much like the weather we’ve been having–cool and rainy with intermittent storms. I’m hearing about a lot of people having a hard time and going through major transitions physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

And for all of you who feel like life is pushing you to your limit or find yourself in a situation that is the opposite of what you want for yourself –I have some advice that I know will carry you through: yield.

When two forces collide the victory goes to the one who yields.- Lao Tzu

When life throws us a curve ball there are only two choices of action: resist or yield. The definition of the word yield is to give up or surrender oneself to the situation–also the definition of the word acceptance. By yielding you allow the natural flow and can then work with life instead of against it. Yielding doesn’t mean you love the situation, it means that you accept it, and only when you accept something can you work through it.

I’ve spent a lot of time in my life on the road of resistance–thinking I could fight my way out of the circumstances that I was in; thinking that if I got angry and bitter enough, the universe would see the injustice of it all and transform the situation. What I didn’t understand was that the transformation comes from going through the difficulties and learning to embody the qualities whose absence make the situation a painful one. I wasted a lot of valuable energy resisting things I had no power over instead of looking for the lessons that those circumstances had come to teach me.

I now understand that hardship is a potent and powerful teacher. I also know that it brings you to places in yourself you never would have found otherwise and dare I say that it’s not only yielding and accepting the difficult but embracing it as you would a beloved teacher. Because in fact, that’s exactly what it is.

This is my favorite passage from Letters to A Young Poet by Ranier Maria Rilke

We have no reason to mistrust our world, for it is not against us. Has it terrors, they are our terrors: has it abysses, those abysses belong to us; are there dangers at hand, we must try to love them. And if only we arrange our life according to that principle which counsels us that we must always hold to the difficult, then that which now still seems to us most alien will become what we most trust and find most faithful. How should we be able to forget those ancient dragons that at the last moment turn into princesses: perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible in its deepest being is something helpless that wants help from us.

After watching the clip of Elizabeth Gilbert’s talk at the 2009 TED conference on nurturing creativity, I was totally inspired… and very surprised. Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Eat, Pray, Love had a profound effect on my life. I remember being totally awed by the fact that this woman could drop out of life completely and go in search of herself abroad. If I could have taken any one of those three journeys for even of the fraction of the time she did I would have been ecstatic. I had been longing for years to take a sojourn inward and just be with myself. I wanted desperately to unplug and go somewhere and ponder and write with no distractions and no interruptions. For many years this was my burning desire. So to say that I envied Elizabeth Gilbert would be putting it mildly. Not only did she get to take one year off to travel and immerse herself in foreign culture, she found the love of her life, came to terms with herself, and wrote about it in a book that sold 1.5 million copies. If that’s not “having it all” I don’t know what is.

You can imagine my surprise when I listened to the lecture from the conference. She presents a very interesting and poignant theory about how to better manage the creative process and confesses that she had to do some research on this topic to manage her own difficulties since her book has been published. “What difficulty could you possibly be referring to Elizabeth?” Being mobbed at book signings or getting recognized at the supermarket? Such problems, I wish I had them. No, she’s talking about the possibility that at 40 years old she had already done her best work and that it’s all downhill from here. She’s currently in the process of trying to write her next book but instead has found herself fighting for her creative life. Who would have thought that finally arriving meant coming to terms with the most painful aspect of the artist’s life: that you’ve already said everything that you’re going to say, that anything you do from this point on will always fall short of what you did before. Not exactly the tools of inspiration and as she says in the lecture the reason why many a young artist succumbs to self-destruction.

So I thank you Elizabeth Gilbert for being so public with your struggle because now instead of envying you, I feel for you and I am reminded that we’re all struggling…with something. We may be in different places on the ladder but the difficulties are no less painful the further up you go. We never really arrive. There’s always more to do. It’s all a process. And as the Buddhists have been saying all these years: there is no there, only here.

In any competitive situation, whoever has the least interest, has the most power.

When I read this quote, it just about knocked me over.

The quote is from The Joy Diet by Martha Beck What’s funny is that I had been working on a blog post for the last couple of weeks about want. You know, the things you have buried so deep in your consciousness they’ve practically disappeared? Those things that if you were able to have/acheive them, would give you a sense of peace/accomplishment/contentment? Those things that if you had them, would make your heart sing? Notice you don’t ever tell them to anyone, least of all yourself.

As a life coach I always begin by asking my clients what they want in the different areas of their lives. The process of coaching is an inquiry into want, but want is also a vehicle. It is our desire for various things in life that propels us into action. Whether it’s the desire for something (money)or the desire to keep something from happening (losing our jobs) desire is the prime mover. Yet, it is so difficult to articulate our wants. I’ve noticed that most people are either afraid of them or they have spent so many years denying them that they can’t even locate their desires. Helping people to identify their wants and lay down a plan for actually getting them is to me the most rewarding thing I can do.

In any competitive situation, whoever has the least interest, has the most power.

The quote is referring to the basis of all Buddhist doctrine which is the concept of detachment. Detachment is a rough concept to grasp. Wanting something, doing everything in your power to make it happen, but letting go of the outcome takes a lot of discipline. Holding on too tightly to the outcome causes tension and impedes performance. Professional athletes aren’t focused on winning when they compete, it’s focused on playing the game to the best of their ability.

There’s a movie in theaters right now that is a documentary about the casting of the 2004 revival of A Chorus Line. In the movie Rachelle Rak, who is a veteran broadway performer is up for the role of Sheila. If you know the show, Sheila is the provocative, somewhat bitter, sexy, older dancer whose quick wit is ready with a comeback at any moment. Rachelle could not be more right for the part. In the course of the movie there are many interviews with the dancers who are being considered for roles. In one of the interviews Rachelle comes right out and says that she doesn’t want to let herself think about getting the role because she doesn’t want to have to experience the devastation she will feel if she doesn’t get it. It is clear that she is afraid of her wanting.

One of the pivotal scenes of the movie takes place during the final call backs, eight months after the first audition. There have been numerous dance and vocal auditions and it is finally the end of the line. Now it is down to yes or no. Unfortunately it is a “no” for Rachelle. When her agent tells her the news, she doesn’t even flinch. She made some flip comment like “you have no idea how Broadway wants me, you have no idea” and took her things and left. No emotion, no tears, no nothing. HER REACTION WAS SO SHIELA.

Why do we think if we pretend not to want something that we really want that it will somehow lessen the hurt when we don’t get it?

What Rachelle did has nothing to do with detachment–as a matter of fact it was just the opposite. She didn’t just want the role–she needed the role. Her entire career was riding on it. Wants are tricky. You need to know what you want and go after it, but then you have to let go of the outcome. It requires serious trust; trust that if you don’t get what you want there’s a really good reason–or there’s something better coming down the path. It’s a careful dance this one of manifestation. You need to know when to push and when to let go.