My next workshop is Saturday, October 3rd at Oasis Day Spa in Dobbs Ferry.

Tired of struggling with your eating?
Would you like to have a peaceful relationship with food?

In this workshop you will learn what really drives your eating and how to stop using food for comfort, nurturing, and stress relief.

It takes a lifetime to build our eating habits. Changing this dynamic requires time, patience, and a willingness to do things differently.

You can have a relaxed relationship with food and a healthy fit body.

It’s possible.

This is not a weight loss program; it is a system of self-care that will assist you in making real and long lasting positive changes in the way that you deal with your body and food issues.

Time: 9:30 am – 12 noon
Cost: $45
Advance payment required. Click here.

It was the Friday of the 4th of July weekend and I decided to stop into Old Navy to return a pair of size 8 shorts that were too small. Now most women will understand that there was not an option to just go in and buy the larger size—that was Old Navy’s problem. How dare they change the sizing I thought. They have some nerve–they just lost a customer. As I continue my walk through the cavernous space and I come across a hot pink bikini that catches my eye and something about the cut of it makes me think, “maybe there’s a chance I can get away with it.” Red Flag #1 – if you’re contemplating wearing a bikini and the phrase “get away with it” comes into your mind at any point during said contemplation you need to put the thing down and walk away. You don’t get away with a bikini, you can either wear it or you can’t.

And yet, there I was in the Old Navy at Herald Square contemplating buying a hot pink bikini. I could feel that old denial that used to operate when I was much heavier rearing it’s head and convincing me, it will be OK this could look OK.

I quickly walk to the counter, hot pink bikini in hand to make the exchange.

It is at this point that I would like to introduce you to Anthony. Anthony was the poor, unfortunate, employee that happened to be working the register that fateful Friday who also made the mistake of saying to me when I put the bathing suit on the counter: “will that be all?” When it comes to my body issues I have struggled with a kind of Turrets my whole life. It’s something I definitely have in check but every once in a while it gets the best of me and when I answered Anthony, I couldn’t believe what I was saying. “Yes, that will be all and can you believe that I actually think that my fat ass is going to fit into this bathing suit?” Anthony tries to hide his surprise but letting out a chuckle and then says “Oh, no I’m sure it’s going to look great, Anthony knows.” What he doesn’t know is not to challenge the angry monster. “Really, I said? Then can you give me your cell phone number so that when I try it on at home and it looks terrible I can call you and scream?” I knew that I crossed the line with that one. Anthony laughs again and responds with: I’m sure it’s going to look great.” I realized that if I pushed the conversation any further, I’d find myself being escorted out of the store by security so I just said, “make sure you give me the receipt and don’t put it in the bag. I want to be able to return this when it doesn’t fit.” I had to have the last word.

I left the store and went to meet up with my friend Genie. Genie is 5’8” and weighs about 115lbs. but she watches every morsel that she puts in her mouth and obsesses over gaining an ounce. It was good that I was meeting with her and not another friend who would try to take Anthony’s side in this. I wanted someone who would really get it and validate me. I didn’t want to hear another version of Anthony’s lies.

After I told her the story she gave me the following suggestion: after you paid for the suit, you should have gone into the dressing room and tried it on. Then you could have walked out onto the sales floor and screamed over to him “hey Anthony, the bathing suit doesn’t look so great does it?” Looks pretty bad, doesn’t it Anthony? Right? Look at me Anthony, the shit doesn’t fit. No this is not what looking good looks like Anthony.  Anthonyyyyyyyyy!!!! I told you, didn’t I?”

Genie and I were both roaring in the restaurant thinking of this scenario and I kept thinking, if only I had the nerve.

I went home after that and shoved the bathing suit into a drawer for four weeks because I really, really wanted Anthony to be right. So who do you think was right in the end? Anthony or Me? The answer is: I was! OK, maybe each of us was a little right. The top looked fine, but below the waist–not so good. What Anthony needs to know but doesn’t is that I wore that bikini anyway with my sarong and manged to get away with it.

The truth is, I became a life coach because I am passionate about helping people to get out of their own way and find fulfilling and meaningful work.

Before life coaching I did marketing and public relations for 8 years. I couldn’t be happier about getting out of that field. By the time I started my coaching education, I wanted nothing to do with marketing and PR and yet, here I am one year into my business desperately reading through marketing coaching blogs in an effort to learn how to build my platform, drive traffic to my website and blog, increase my google ranking, etc. This could not be more uninspiring. Why am I so pissed off and depressed lately? I’m not doing what I want to do–I spend most of my day engaging in boring admin all day. Exactly what I was trying to get away from by getting out of marketing!

But I guess the really disturbing stuff is that all of this bullshit admin is interfering with my writing which I like to think is sometimes helpful and/or inspiring to the readers of my blog. I do not have the time I would like to do my own internal work. To do the work that I do, I need to spend a certain amount of time inside my own head where I receive inspiration and epiphany and when I’m making lists of keywords for my website, I’m not in my happy place.

And then there’s the helping others aspect of the equation which is, for me, the most important part. If I’m so wrapped up in promoting my business/workshops then when do I have the time available to be there for my friends and family members who are struggling? Although right now, I am struggling. Struggling with finding the time and inspiration to keep writing, struggling with the learning curve on building my own website and figuring out how to drive traffic to it, and how to make facebook really work for my business instead of it being the useless time-waster that it’s been from day one, and a myriad of other things that ultimately I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN.

I totally didn’t sign on for this.

And in the midst of the frustration and anger comes a voice: “Within everything that is difficult lies an opportunity.” Of course I know that but ranting about how unhappy I am about it is so much more alluring. But when the truth makes an appearance, it always breaks me out of my trance. And if that wasn’t enough there were the words of my wise friend Julie: “This is the part of any business that is necessary but hard. This is why a lot of small businesses fail. People can’t deal with doing the marketing work to get themselves or their product out there.”

If I’m helping people to launch their businesses then having experienced the rough parts myself can only help me in the work that I do.

Oh, that’s right, this is the human experiment part. This isn’t the first time I’ve been a participant in that.

And then like a gift from above I find the wisdom of Mark Silver. I know that this like every other trial I have been through exists to bring me to a deeper place in myself that maybe I would not have been able to get to any other way. It was so random how I found him but I think somehow like all of those important messages we get in life, he found me. www.heartofbusiness.com

Here’s what I was reading from his blog that made me know that in fact, I’m in exactly the right place doing exactly the right thing and getting exactly the right results:

When you don’t know what to do, instead of trying to force your way past your ignorance, trying to desperately figure out the solution as the deadline looms closer and closer, realize that you’ve reached the Divine fence of ignorance.

You have a choice: you can either push, claw, dig, or climb your way past that fence out into traffic, or you can return to Love.

Often when we’re asking for guidance, we’re asking for what to do, how to do it, and when. These are not useful questions for guidance.

Love and connection are about relationship. Instead of asking what to do about choosing your web design, for instance, trying asking in your heart:

“What would a healthy relationship with my web design feel like?”

For instance, perhaps your relationship with web design is needing more patience. Or more love. Or more compassion. See what your heart shows you. And what actions naturally arise out of that healthier relationship.

So there’s nothing left to do really but surrender as I ask myself the question, what would a healthy relationship with my marketing efforts for my business feel like?

I’ll answer that in private and get back to you.

Thank you Mark Silver for your compassion and your genius, you saved my day.

Sometimes I find myself holding onto this book for dear life and reading the passages over and over again. It’s become my personal bible. And it’s times like right now that I am so grateful to Steve Young for writing this book.

There comes a time in life’s journey when you’re trying to manifest something/build a business/advance your career/make art/write a book/raise a decent kid/be a good partner and all of a sudden you find yourself at what I like to refer to as “the uphill portion of the journey.” Here are a few observations I’ve made about the uphill:

1. It sucks. Plain and simple. There’s nothing fun about it.

2. It’s rough terrain and you’re probably not wearing the right shoes so you continually feel as though you’re going to fall into the abyss.

3. You will need the emotional endurance of a team of sled dogs to get through it.

4. You will need faith: in yourself and your vision.

5. There will be crying. Lots of it.

Unfortunately, many people misinterpret the uphill as failure and give up too soon.

If you are toying with giving up I urge you to read Great Failures of the Extremely Successful.

Thank you Steve, for letting us in on the struggles behind the success and for telling the world that there’s no such thing as an overnight sensation.