We’re all working so hard to “get somewhere.” Whether it’s a better job, a loving relationship, a livelihood as an artist, a successful business, financial security, or to be acknowledged for who we are and what we’re trying to put out in the world, everyone has a different “thing” that they’re after, and they believe once they get the “thing,” they’ll finally be happy. My “thing” is to present my workshops around the country and have a coaching practice with more clients than I can handle into eternity.

So what’s your “thing?” Once you have that answer ask yourself: what feeling or state of mind will having that “thing” give me? How will I feel once I arrive at my destination? For me the first emotion that comes to mind once I get my “thing” is relief….and then a deep peace.

What’s the thing under the “thing” for you? What feeling will you have once you get that relationship, job, promotion, role, or recognition? Is it completion, self-acceptance, feeling seen, heard, or loved; relief, security, safety? Really take a moment to make contact with what that feeling is for you once you have arrived at your destination.

I have a surprise for you. You can have the thing under the “thing” anytime you choose. Believe it or not, the thing under the “thing” is not attached to the “thing!” Crazy sounding I know, but absolutely true. We make the emotional connections to the “thing”–we project our emotional needs on the “thing.” The “thing” itself doesn’t give us anything–we choose the feelings we have once we get the “thing.”

You can actively choose to have the thing under the “thing” in your life right now, by itself–even if you don’t have the “thing.”

So if it’s security, peace, approval, arrival, or just needing to exhale because you’re finally there–you can do it right now. Take a couple of minutes each day to get a mental picture of the feelings that you want to have and walk into them face first. Stay there for as long as you can. Bathe in them and when you’ve had enough then get on with the rest of your day. I guarantee that doing this will not only change the shape and feel of your deepest desires but will give your more tranquility on a daily basis.

The luxury of arrival is this: there’s nothing better than operating from an emotional place where you already have everything that you want. The more at ease that you feel about where you are now allows more of the same to enter. When you are tense, grasping or unhappy you block the flow of good things into your life. Don’t miss the opportunities that exist everyday to start putting those good things there yourself while you’re waiting for the “thing” to show up. Things can take time, but you can experience the luxury of arrival right now. You can give yourself the thing under the “thing” anytime you want.

P.S. I have found this to be a very powerful practice. Try it for a week straight and let me know what happens.

Every moment of your life, including this one, is a fresh start.

I love this quote and I never get tired of reading it. At any moment we can make the decision that our past experiences will not determine our future. We can decide that we’re going to see things differently and do things differently. We can step out of our old patterns and go about things in a new way. It’s never too late to change the way we habitually do things or view our circumstances.

Sometimes I like to follow the Heyoka* and do the exact opposite of what I would normally do in a given situation. The Heyoka were the shamans of the Lakota tribe and they did things like put their clothes on inside out, walk backwards and dance backwards, and show emotions opposite to the expected ones in an effort to shake up the accustomed and accepted and to oppose the status quo. The did this precisely to push the fold of accepted reality, and sound a wake up call.

So here’s what I would like to propose as we embark on a new season: I am going to use this moment as a fresh start and do like the Heyoka. Everyone who knows me knows that I dread and despise the cold weather; so much so that I start freaking out as soon as the fall weather hits. So I have decided that instead of dreading it and being miserable and unhappy when it starts to get cold, I will do exactly the opposite. I will look forward to the winter the way I look forward to and relish the spring and summer. I will celebrate each cold day and the colder it gets the happier and more excited I will get.

I know what being miserable in the winter gets me and I’ve finally come to realize that what Eckhart Tolle says is true: The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. So I’m willing to try something different and extreme in the hopes of shifting a pattern that has only added negativity to my life. I’ll be reporting back on my experiment.

*The Heyoka were part of the Lakota Indian tribes. They were known as the “sacred clowns” and were considered shamans. The Heyókȟa functions both as a mirror and a teacher, using extreme behaviors to mirror others, thereby forcing them to examine their own doubts, fears, hatreds, and weaknesses. Heyókȟas also have the power to heal emotional pain; such power comes from the experience of shame–they sing of shameful events in their lives, beg for food, and live as clowns. They provoke laughter in distressing situations of despair and provoke fear and chaos when people feel complacent and overly secure, to keep them from taking themselves too seriously or believing they are more powerful than they are. In doing so, they demonstrate concretely the theories of balance and imbalance. Their role is to penetrate deception, turn over rocks, and create a deeper awareness.