I believe in miracles and here’s why: I believe that a thought can change in an instant and as a result, a situation that has existed for years can be healed  in a moment of epiphany without the elements of the situation shifting at all.

I’m in the process of pitching my workshops to corporations and I’m coming up against a lot of resistance which is bringing up a lot of unhappy thoughts about this situation.  The visual that I have is of  this situaton looks like this:

A 50 foot mountain of stinky garbage standing in the way of getting in to these places which in turn leads to the “chain of misery” that goes like this:
This is never going to happen
I’m going to be bankrupt and end up living in a cardboard box in a matter of months
I’m spinning my wheels and it’s leading nowhere
My stuff is no good
my stuff is no good
I’m no good!!!!!!

OK people, let’s back this thing up.
Now, what do I know at the pit of my soul about me and life coaching?
That I was born to do this.
and that I’m damn good at it.
so what does that mean in terms of getting over the heap?
It means that the heap has nothing to do with whether I’m good at what I do or not, or whether it’s valuable.  The heap is just there, it’s part of the landscape.  I can engage with the heap or I can choose not to let it have any effect on me.

Some of them were in their 20‘s and 30‘s, some of them were in their 50‘s and 60’s, some of them were recovering anorexics, some of them were overweight, some of them were therapists, some of them were in treatment, all of them were women who came together to explore what it means to be in a female body.

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to attend Indwelling IV: Living in a Female Body, organized by the Women’s Therapy Centre Institute.    What a great event.   As you may or may not remember The Women’s Therapy Centre Institute contacted me after they saw my post Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus on Skirt!  It was so nice to meet these fantastic ladies in person and to have the chance to be part of such a meaningful dialogue.

What I loved about this event and the Women’s Therapy Centre philosophy is that it’s rooted in the feminist movement which is something that a lot of us take for granted.  I know that  I do.  So to be in a room with so many women who were trailblazers of the feminist movement in the 1970‘s was really incredible.

The afternoon began with Nona Aronowitz who is the author of the book: Girldrive-Crisscrossing America, Redfinining Feminism.  Nona is in her 20’s and is a serious voice in the third wave of feminism.  I really admire what she’s doing; it’s so important to build on the feminist movement that came before us and Nona is doing that.

The amazing Cheryl Cochran re-enacted a piece from Toni Morrison’s Beloved which was about the body and had the crowd in tears by the end.  It was so very moving and Cheryl is so incredibly talented.

The big event of the afternoon was the Speakout.  Each woman was invited to come up to the microphone and share her thoughts  or experiences for 3 minutes.  There was no talk back from the crowd you just got up and said whatever you felt about being a woman, being in a female body or anything else.  Naturally for about the first three minutes, we were all staring at the microphone wondering who would be the first to get up.  Finally one brave soul went up to the microphone and just said “gratitude”.  Eventually one by one each woman got up and shared a story or her thoughts.  Some of them made us cry and some of them couldn’t stop crying because they felt so moved by everything that was happening.  It’s a very healing thing  to give a voice to your pain or your struggle in a room full of women. There’s also something about hearing other women talk about the same things you’re going through. knowing that you’re not alone in the struggle actually transforms it.

After the speakout, Courtney Martin, author of Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters got up and spoke.  Courtney talked about the experience of doing her book tour and speaking at colleges.  She said that there was one element that she saw over and over again while speaking to young women across the country and that was how painful it was for all of them to be in a female body.  Much of the speakout reflected the same thing.

Courtney unveiled the 2011 plan of  the Women’s Centre Therapy Institute:to take that pain and translate into action with their 2011 initiative: Endangered Species:  Preserving the Female Body.  the Women’s Therapy Centre Institute has thrown down the gauntlet and is getting ready to take it to the streets.  This is going to be a world-wide campaign that will pool resources of all the women’s organizations and groups that are out there working to destroy the elements in our culture that cause women to hate their bodies, feel uncomfortable about the way they look, or want to be anyone but who they are. There are lots of interesting plans in the works that haven’t been revealed yet but I can tell you that this is going to be BIG!!!  Stay tuned for updates about this campaign and how you can get involved.  And thank you again to Skirt! for providing a forum  the Women’s Centre Therapy Institute and me find each other!!!

I’ve been doing a lot of looking back at my writing lately.  I came across this piece which is a letter that I wrote to read at the end of my performances of Thin Body Fat Mind that I did in High Schools from 2005-2008. I’m glad I kept it because it’s something that I need to remind myself of sometimes.

Dear Girls,

You look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see.  You criticize, berate, and think you need to fix it.  You ignore the inside as if it doesn’t exist.

So my lovelies please take my advice:  When we’ve locked ourselves out of our own hearts, only we can let ourselves back in.  Become your most trusted and adoring friend, open your heart and walk inside.  It’s there that your true beauty resides–It’s who you are and what you give out in the world.
If you can’t see all that you are, you can’t be all that you are.
We are the ones we have been waiting for.
Feel your own love, it’s all around you,
Cathy

Here’s an old piece that I wrote in 2005.  Maybe some of you can relate.

December 7, 2005

There I was Saturday night at 11pm, frantically searching for a parking spot on Broadway. I see a small space between 96th and 97th, that I decide would be worth trying to squeeze into being that it is right in front of the Gourmet Garage and that’s where I need to go.  I do my best parallel parking but the front of the car is sticking out about two feet.  I know trying to re-do the parking job will not help because the space is just too small.  I think about finding another spot, but if I pull out and start circling, I might not be able to get into Gourmet Garage before it closes and that would be tragic.  I decided to let the car stick out of the spot and take the chance of someone hitting it, because I’m desperate.  I get out of the car and run to the front door of Gourmet Garage but it’s already closed.

It’s late, it’s freezing cold and I left my gloves in the car but that doesn’t stop me from my mission.  I want some pumpkin pie goddamit and I’m going to get it.  After four years of abstinence from sugar I thought it might be a good idea to let myself eat dessert once in a while.  Of course when my Father asked me if I wanted Pumpkin Pie at Thanksgiving two weeks earlier, I said no.  Because I just can’t get used to eating in context.  Why eat one of my favorite desserts at a holiday dinner with my family when instead I could be running down Broadway at the stroke of midnight in Arctic temperatures chasing down Pumpkin Pie like a crack ho.

So I’m running south from 96th Street down Broadway in search of a bakery or store that’s still open where I can get a piece or a whole pumpkin pie.   I know it’s insane but I can’t stop myself.  A sugar addiction with a time limit on it really is like a crack habit.  If I don’t find a store or bakery soon I’m going to be totally out of luck. Yes, I  could just forget about it and go home and go to bed.  BUT I CAN’T DO THAT!!!  Now that I’ve made the decision to have the pumpkin pie I have to have it tonight.  Have to, have to, have to.  I can’t explain why, it’s just the way it is.  That’s what I hate about bingeing – the desperation, the lack of dignity.  That’s precisely why I gave up eating sugar 4 years ago.  I couldn’t stand the degradation.  Here I was thinking after 4 years of abstinence I could take or leave dessert.  Well, sometimes I can and other times, it’s just like the old days.  Once I get something into my head I won’t stop until I get it.  There’s no tomorrow in bingeing.  There’s only right now.

Part of tonight’s extravaganza was going to be hot chocolate with whipped cream. At least I know I’ve got the heavy cream in the car to make whipped cream for the hot chocolate I’m going to have when I get home.  But I’ve been wanting a piece of pumpkin pie since Thanksgiving and tonight is the night I have decided to fulfill my desires.  Because I lose all rational ability in the pre-binge moments I am unable to think clearly about where I could go to get said pie so I just keep running down Broadway like I’m  running for my life or until I stumble on some place that sells pumpkin pie.

Luckily it was only about 5 blocks before I hit the Hot and Crusty.  Not a good bakery at all but at that hour it was the best that I could hope for.  “Could it be possible  that I will actually be able to quench my desire right here right now?”  I pull open the front door and make a b-line for the case.  I’m scanning from top to bottom and bottom to top.  I don’t see it.  Cheesecake, plain, chocolate, and cherry; brownies, blondies, chocolate chip cookies, and pecan pie.  Pecan pie but no pumpkin. It can’t be!  I walk to the front of the store and scan the case again just to be sure.  No pumpkin pie.  Now what?  Should I get something else which I don’t really want just because the floodgates are open?  That cheesecake looks pretty good.  BUT I WANT PUMPKIN PIE DAMNIT!!  Since I’ve gone this far I decide to go with the chocolate cheese cake.  As the guy behind the counter puts it into one of those clear plastic clam shell things, I’m thinking “how am I going to eat that cheesecake out of that container while I’m driving because surely I will not be able to ride 30 minutes in the car with a piece of cake right next to me?”  I’ll have to either dig pieces out with my hand and then get the mush all over the steering wheel or I will have to put the container up to my face and bite into the cheesecake.  What an attractive image that is.  If someone were able to snap a picture of me actually doing that, I could be the poster child for DESPERATION.

As has been customary with the few sugar binges that I’ve had in the last two years, I find a way to salvage one last shred of dignity; one last remnant of self-control.  I decide not to eat the cheesecake until I get home.  I am somewhat surprised at my restraint but it doesn’t last long.  As soon as I get in the door I go right to the kitchen and rip open the plastic container.  Unfortunately, it’s really not that good.  I’m totally pissed off at wasting my big free -for -all on something I didn’t want in the first place that turns out to be not that good.  I eat a couple of bites and throw the rest away.  I’m impressed with my restraint.  IT’s very rare that I don’t finish cake.  Very rare.  My feelings of pride are quickly extinguished by the fact that I am firing up an electric mixer at midnight which will probably wake my husband, but I don’t care.  I don’t care if the hand mixer explodes as long as the cream is whipped first.  There’s no end to the indignities that one must suffer for one’s binge.  After mixing the hot milk with the Godiva hot chocolate mix, I scoop out a dollop of whipped cream the size of a baseball and float it on top of the hot chocolate, YUM!  Homemade whipped cream is one of the epicurean wonders of the world.   I settled for just the hot chocolate that night and when I woke up the next day I didn’t even think about pumpkin pie.   But one month later, one late night at the Empire Diner… you’ll have to wait for the next chapter to hear about that one.

Come to a free Feed Your Soul, Feed Your Body workshop on Friday, January 1st

2:15 – 3:15 at the JCC Manhattan 334 Amsterdam Avenue (at 76th Street).

It’s a full day event with workshops, exercise classes, yoga, and meditation–and everything is free!  Check out the schedule HERE.

Hope to see you there!

In my last post about the amazing Valerie Boyer and her efforts in France to force magazines to label images that have been altered in an effort to to destroy the illusion of female perfection that women are bombarded with everyday in the media by reminding them that the images are fake, I talked about my wish for having someone in the government get behind this cause in the US.

This morning while flipping through the New York Times Styles section I stumbled upon this letter to the editor regarding last week’s article Point, Shoot, Retouch and Label:

To the Editor:
We, the psychotherapists of the Women’s Therapy Centre Institute are excited to discover our French “sister movement” across the sea.  We are a group of female therapists who have been taking a stand for decades against the media’s total disregard for the female body, and the message that there is only one right way to “be” a woman. We join arms with Valerie Boyer and invite her to participate in “Endangered Species:  Preserving the Female Body,” our new campaign, for which we are organizing and international summit to take place in New York City in 2011.
Signed
Anne Wennerstrand – The Women’s Therapy Centre Institute, NYC

And now I will be joining arms with the Women’s Therapy Centre Institute (and they’re right here in my own backyard!) to further this cause here in the US.  That’s their logo up there, isn’t it AWESOME??

Finding out about this group without having to hunt them down just feels like a miracle.  Since reading the article last week I have been obsessed with the thought of striking out and starting a movement here in the US–what a gift to find out that this group exists and has already done so much good work to advance this cause.  I’m really not into the holidays but I have to say I got the best gift ever this year…stay tuned–I’ll be updating on my involvement with The Women’s Therapy Centre Institute and their efforts over the next few months.  And all I can say to women’s magazines across the U.S. is–”Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.”

Every once in a while the New York Times Styles section surprises me.  Normally the bastion of out of reach fashion and elitism, yesterday’s section contained an article written about someone who was part of the solution and not the problem for a change.

Meet Valerie Boyer,  a member of French Parliament who has caused a stir in France by drafting a law that requires all digitally altered photographs of people used in advertising to be labeled as retouched.  Her goal:  to destroy the illusion of female perfection that women are bombarded with everyday in the media by reminding them that the images are fake.
“Retouched photos are a deception, an illusion, and we must think about the consequences” says Boyer.

The article is here.  If you have time, watch the video that goes along with it, it’s very informative.

Naturally the media is fighting back with their self-serving arguments.  “Michelangelo painted idealized bodies, so the idea of idealized beauty was already there” says Anne-Florence Schmitt, editor of Madame Figaro magazine. And Christine Leiritz, Editor in Chief of Marie Claire takes the position that labels on retouched photographs will only tell the reader what they already know.  Really?  I had no idea that a Ralph Lauren ad with the model Filipa Hamilton was retouched so that her waist was reduced to the width of her head.  How would I ever know that if someone didn’t tell me?  And how is this NOT a crime?  There’s retouching to clean up a photo and then there’s digital alteration that remakes a body into something that is a physical impossibility and that’s the real issue is here.  A distinction needs to be made between retouching a photo by cleaning up blemishes, stray hairs and brightening and altering an image to the point where it bears no relationship to the original. It’s this kind of deception that is so damaging to women and their self-images and should be stopped.  It’s all gone way too far and I’m thankful that Valerie Boyer is stepping out to do something about it.  Now if we could only get Hilary Clinton to rally around this issue here in the U.S.

We’re all working so hard to “get somewhere.” Whether it’s a better job, a loving relationship, a livelihood as an artist, a successful business, financial security, or to be acknowledged for who we are and what we’re trying to put out in the world, everyone has a different “thing” that they’re after, and they believe once they get the “thing,” they’ll finally be happy. My “thing” is to present my workshops around the country and have a coaching practice with more clients than I can handle into eternity.

So what’s your “thing?” Once you have that answer ask yourself: what feeling or state of mind will having that “thing” give me? How will I feel once I arrive at my destination? For me the first emotion that comes to mind once I get my “thing” is relief….and then a deep peace.

What’s the thing under the “thing” for you? What feeling will you have once you get that relationship, job, promotion, role, or recognition? Is it completion, self-acceptance, feeling seen, heard, or loved; relief, security, safety? Really take a moment to make contact with what that feeling is for you once you have arrived at your destination.

I have a surprise for you. You can have the thing under the “thing” anytime you choose. Believe it or not, the thing under the “thing” is not attached to the “thing!” Crazy sounding I know, but absolutely true. We make the emotional connections to the “thing”–we project our emotional needs on the “thing.” The “thing” itself doesn’t give us anything–we choose the feelings we have once we get the “thing.”

You can actively choose to have the thing under the “thing” in your life right now, by itself–even if you don’t have the “thing.”

So if it’s security, peace, approval, arrival, or just needing to exhale because you’re finally there–you can do it right now. Take a couple of minutes each day to get a mental picture of the feelings that you want to have and walk into them face first. Stay there for as long as you can. Bathe in them and when you’ve had enough then get on with the rest of your day. I guarantee that doing this will not only change the shape and feel of your deepest desires but will give your more tranquility on a daily basis.

The luxury of arrival is this: there’s nothing better than operating from an emotional place where you already have everything that you want. The more at ease that you feel about where you are now allows more of the same to enter. When you are tense, grasping or unhappy you block the flow of good things into your life. Don’t miss the opportunities that exist everyday to start putting those good things there yourself while you’re waiting for the “thing” to show up. Things can take time, but you can experience the luxury of arrival right now. You can give yourself the thing under the “thing” anytime you want.

P.S. I have found this to be a very powerful practice. Try it for a week straight and let me know what happens.

Every moment of your life, including this one, is a fresh start.

I love this quote and I never get tired of reading it. At any moment we can make the decision that our past experiences will not determine our future. We can decide that we’re going to see things differently and do things differently. We can step out of our old patterns and go about things in a new way. It’s never too late to change the way we habitually do things or view our circumstances.

Sometimes I like to follow the Heyoka* and do the exact opposite of what I would normally do in a given situation. The Heyoka were the shamans of the Lakota tribe and they did things like put their clothes on inside out, walk backwards and dance backwards, and show emotions opposite to the expected ones in an effort to shake up the accustomed and accepted and to oppose the status quo. The did this precisely to push the fold of accepted reality, and sound a wake up call.

So here’s what I would like to propose as we embark on a new season: I am going to use this moment as a fresh start and do like the Heyoka. Everyone who knows me knows that I dread and despise the cold weather; so much so that I start freaking out as soon as the fall weather hits. So I have decided that instead of dreading it and being miserable and unhappy when it starts to get cold, I will do exactly the opposite. I will look forward to the winter the way I look forward to and relish the spring and summer. I will celebrate each cold day and the colder it gets the happier and more excited I will get.

I know what being miserable in the winter gets me and I’ve finally come to realize that what Eckhart Tolle says is true: The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. So I’m willing to try something different and extreme in the hopes of shifting a pattern that has only added negativity to my life. I’ll be reporting back on my experiment.

*The Heyoka were part of the Lakota Indian tribes. They were known as the “sacred clowns” and were considered shamans. The Heyókȟa functions both as a mirror and a teacher, using extreme behaviors to mirror others, thereby forcing them to examine their own doubts, fears, hatreds, and weaknesses. Heyókȟas also have the power to heal emotional pain; such power comes from the experience of shame–they sing of shameful events in their lives, beg for food, and live as clowns. They provoke laughter in distressing situations of despair and provoke fear and chaos when people feel complacent and overly secure, to keep them from taking themselves too seriously or believing they are more powerful than they are. In doing so, they demonstrate concretely the theories of balance and imbalance. Their role is to penetrate deception, turn over rocks, and create a deeper awareness.

My next workshop is Saturday, October 3rd at Oasis Day Spa in Dobbs Ferry.

Tired of struggling with your eating?
Would you like to have a peaceful relationship with food?

In this workshop you will learn what really drives your eating and how to stop using food for comfort, nurturing, and stress relief.

It takes a lifetime to build our eating habits. Changing this dynamic requires time, patience, and a willingness to do things differently.

You can have a relaxed relationship with food and a healthy fit body.

It’s possible.

This is not a weight loss program; it is a system of self-care that will assist you in making real and long lasting positive changes in the way that you deal with your body and food issues.

Time: 9:30 am – 12 noon
Cost: $45
Advance payment required. Click here.